I left half of my heart there, and one day i plan on re-joining it. Soon i hope. I lived their for 6 months of my life when i was 18 on a gap year. It changed me forever, for better, for worse. I volunteered in a children's home. One i miss everyday, long to enter again on day. But it gets me through each day, each early morning i face the day with my memories on my side. This photo isn't one i have ever really looked at before......i have hundreds of photos. This precious girl was v.poorly for a long time pf ,my stay, but with the right care and attention she grew stronger. I don't know what became of her, where she went but i do know i cared for her along with others. We made a difference, we gave this little girl a chance at life. SA is an amazing country, the sun rises, the sunset, time never matters, each moment comes and goes, their is no rush, people enjoy life,it almost feels like the people value it more. Once in a while we all need to stop and just think, look at our lives; are you happy? Are you content? Have you achieved your aspirations or your dreams?
When i say i miss SA everyday, i mean it, nowadays i don't tend to talk about my experiences there, as they feel like a long time ago, but they are ever present in my memories. If i talk about it i talk about my boy. The one i fell in love with. I have never been in love, but i was in love with him. He taught me the real meaning of unconditional love.
Here are three adorable children. Each from different backgrouds, families, lives but by some force they have been put together. They share everything from a bedroom, meal times, clothes, education to the same care givers, the same love. More than ever spending time with each group of children taught me how much each child deserves the love of a family, of a mother & a father. But this just isn't possible. The world isn't perfect, nor are we. When i think of my degree i am doing, i am doing it so one day i can live abroad and help children like these express themselves. But in all honesty, i could happily give it up tomorrow if i had a place to stay and could volunteer for years to come. But i know i need further education in order to not let it get boring. I see the smile on my face here and i wonder if i'll ever feel that happy again, its a happiness no one else can bring me but these children. I felt needed, loved in return, a love i have not felt since. A whole in my heart no one else can fill.
But for now i am happy, a different sort of happy. On one hand when i finish my degree i want a job here to establish may career, but one the other hand i want to run as fast as i can back their. Who knows what i'll do, i just have to trust that one day soon i will be back.
Cherish the moments you have, that you'll never get back. If i could smell that baby again, give my boy one last hug, tell him home much i love him, make a baby bottle, be jumped on my 8 toddlers at 6am, feel overflowing love, see the happiness in their eyes, the smiles widen across their faces when we played hide and seek, to comfort them when they cried, to wipe the tears away hold them close......i'd give a limb, probably anything. But now is not my time, i know that as painful as it is, i know i have to wait.
x
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